Stop People Pleasing and Start Purpose Pleasing
There is a song I’ve come to love. The artist’s name is Matthew West and his relatively new hit is called “Mended.” Here is a sample tasting of his lyrics found within the song: “When you see nothing but damaged goods, I see something good in the making, I’m not finished yet, When you see wounded, I see mended.”
Writing this out reminds me of two things: First, we are all damaged and have experienced heartache. Second, the artist is not trying to personally fix what is broken. The words are suggesting there is a higher power that can work through him and others to help mend wounded hearts. You may be wondering what this has to do with your health but it has everything to do with your health.
You’ve got a purpose in life. You’ve got a destiny. Your destiny is great. You may not believe me in this exact moment; however, it is true. Perhaps your destiny and purpose isn’t clear yet. Whatever is going on in your life, it is only preparing you for more amazing things. You are in constant training.
You are mentally, physically and spiritually training every hour of every day. The tough reality is that it will take a lot of pain, suffering and mending in order to get to your destiny. In essence, you have to experience a path of pain in order to thrive. You’ve got to experience being broken in order to come back stronger.
If you have ever had a conversation with an experienced runner they typically share some sort of story about bonking or hitting the wall at some point during an important race. Consider this rock bottom. I have a dear friend hit full fatigue at mile twenty of a marathon to literally fall through the finish line. The last six miles were grueling. That horrible yet beautiful experience provided her the ability improve her training in the future as well as allowing her to help others with their running journey. She is now an amazing running coach.
My first great losses were losing both of my grandparents within an eight-day time span. We had a joint funeral. I have never witnessed anything so heartbreaking yet full of love at the same time. I truly believe my grandmother died of a broken heart after my grandfather passed away. She just so happened to experience a stroke once he was gone. As with any loss, it always leaves time for reflection. I realized at this time in my life, at the age of 22, I was going to have consistently rely on God to get me through the muck. I realized there must be heartbreak in order to ultimately reach life’s destiny and purpose.
The stories above may not 100 percent relate to your life, but I’m sure you can think back to personal heartache and challenges that left you in the trenches. How did you get out? Are you still there? How are you going to give up the control? What can you do here and now?
1. See the reward; not the distraction(s) in between. Facebook, instagram, twitter, snap chat, television, magazines, money, toxic relationships, addictions, and more are all perfect examples of distractions. For some, these things may not exist in a powerfully destructive way; however, take a few negative hits of them and now there is a strong dose. These distractions are typically in the form of lies, manipulations and negative perceptions. For example, “I’ll never be able to look like that” or “I put in the same effort as _____ and I don’t get the same degree of attention and recognition.” These are distractions that love to take you off course of the ultimate reward. Focus on your vision and your purpose.
2. Don’t quit – you’ve got to push through the heartache. Your purpose is greater than the pain. It is worth it. If you have been given clarity on what you should be doing with your life, you can’t quit on it. I must admit the younger generation these days is filled with this idea that the grass is greener on the other side. It cultivates a do what makes you happy attitude. To be honest – it is bullshit. Paying your bills suck, realizing your health insurance doesn’t cover anything sucks, working at home when no one else sees you busting your butt can feel like no one cares, being undervalued at work can feel defeating, and the list could go on and on. Here is the deal… if you are pursuing your destiny and going after your purpose then expect to have stuff thrown at you. It is a part of the process. Use the tough times to thrive and see the bigger picture.
3. Don’t be surprised if you don’t please everyone. In order for you to reach your greatness, you won’t agree with everyone. You will have tough conversations on a regular basis. You will have tough decisions to make and you will most likely make people uncomfortable. Yep, making someone else feel uncomfortable is the nature of the reward AND it doesn’t mean you have to be a terd or a thorn in someone’s side. I know I personally struggle with this. I worry about what others think of me and as a result I tend to people please versus purpose please. Purpose pleasing should always outweigh people pleasing. If you ask Jeff, my husband, he would tell you that I am a sensitive soul with a tendency to get anxious over minute things. It continually gets in my way to fulfill my greater purpose; thankfully, I am aware and I’ve got someone to call me out on it. There will be opposition. There will be people that will discourage you instead of encouraging you. There is nothing less popular than something “new” or you bringing clarity to things that make others a little uneasy. Remember, your destiny is greater than your popularity.
Whether you are in recovery from an eating disorder, training for something special, or experiencing what it is like to be a new entrepreneur, recognize you have great things in store for you. As Matthew West sings in Mended, “How many times can one heart break? It was never supposed to be this way, Look in the mirror, but you find someone you never thought you’d be. When you see nothing but damaged goods, I see something good in the making, I’m not finished yet, When you see wounded, I see mended.”